I am certainly one of the moms that feels like I have to do everything myself for it to be done right. I have to clean so that things are put away properly. I have to do the bedtime routine because Thomas will skip steps. I have to be home because I want to be there when one of my kids is scared, or sick, or sad, etc.
What I have learned, however, is that by not letting go and taking a step back I am only hurting my family. I am instilling in my kids that mom is the solution, rather than allowing them the opportunity to learn other ways to cope. And I am insinuating to my husband that I do not trust him and that I think my ways are always better than his.
I will admit, many times I have (and still do) believe that my ways are better than his but I absolutely need to change that kind of thinking. My ways are not necessarily better, but just different and that’s okay. That is one of the great benefits (and probably the purpose) of having both a mom and a dad present in their child’s lives. Kids get to benefit from learning various ways to handle situations, various ways to accomplish tasks, and so much more.
By embracing kind of thinking I am not only helping my family but helping myself too! There is such freedom, such a weight off my shoulders when I remember that this is a team effort and that everything is not in my hands and it does not have to be. I am free to do more for myself and more free to be in the moments with my family rather than constantly thinking about what needs to be done.
When I was a flight attendant I was forced to leave Jaden and Thomas to their own devices for days at a time. I am truly thankful for this because it not only forced me to give up control but also empowered Thomas to step up in ways that he would not have had to if I was always home. After having Gabriella I gave up flying and new adjustments had to be made. I definitely took more control and Thomas certainly stepped back in regards to taking care of both of them at once.
This change was okay for a time. I was happy to receive all the baby cuddles possible since we knew she would be our last. And he was happy to have the break with me being home.
Fast forward 2 years. I am just now starting to let go and get my freedom back. Thomas now has his nights to do the bedtime routine. I now have my scheduled girl’s nights so I am able to guiltlessly get away and let Dad handle everything. And they are so much better for it!
My husband has always said that the kids act better for him than they do for me but I rarely truly seen this in action. After my most recent getaway my eyes were opened and I have not looked back.
I went away for one night to celebrate my 29th birthday (pics below). I was gone for only about a day and a half. I will tell you that when I came back home everyone had been through some sort of transformation. The new puppy had learned to go into her crate with just the snap of a finger. (She previously had to be pushed, nudged, stared down, etc). When I told the kids it was time for bed they both actually said okay the first time and began getting ready! No back talk, no questions. I was baffled. This was the result one one night away??
So, I left for one night and we were all just a little better because of it. The same would happen for you. I can almost guarantee it. Almost. I dare you to give it a try. And remember to enjoy yourself!!